Stiffy Makane: Apocolocyntosis — 210 of 235

Book Five - "Duck"

The duck is a female animal. She is in Limbo. "An emaciated duck waddles dejectedly here. She stares at you with limpid brown eyes." The description of the duck is "The duck looks as if she's seen much better days. She is bedraggled, very skinny, and quite listless." The duck has a horniness. The duck is unaroused. Understand "Anas" and "duck" as the duck when the duck is proper-named. Understand "bedraggled", "emaciated", "dejected", and "listless" as the duck when the duck is not warned_about. Understand "plump", "juicy", "fat", "fattened", "shiny", "attractive", "vain", and "scrumptious" as the duck when the duck is warned_about. Understand "duck", "brown", "limpid", and "female" as the duck. She is speakable. The conversation of the duck is the Table of Duckly Chatter. The default reply of the duck is "'Oh! Woe is me!'" She is edible. Does the player mean doing something with the duck: it is very likely.

Sanity-check eating the duck:

if the moonmilk is not warned_about

begin;

say "[The duck] evades your clashing teeth and stares at you in disbelief.";

otherwise;

say "[The duck] rolls her eyes. 'Humanely killed and cooked first, please. Were you raised in a barn? Don't answer that.'";

end if;

stop the action.

Instead of touching, rubbing, sucking, blowing, kissing, or wanking off the duck:

if the moonmilk is not warned_about

begin;

say "[The duck] flaps hurriedly away from you. 'Quack!' she exclaims indignantly.";

otherwise;

say "[The duck] rolls her eyes. 'I'm saving myself for Jupiter, you filthy pervert. Now hurry up and eat me.'";

end if.

Instead of fucking the duck:

if the stiffycock is not visible, instead say "You are not undressed for the occasion.";

say "You, sir, are no Henry Miller[if the duck is horny][50 as a footnote][end if].";

Check taking the duck:

if the moonmilk is not warned_about

begin;

say "'Quack!' exclaims the duck, flapping her wings indignantly.";

otherwise;

say "'I'll follow you,' says [the duck], 'Leave me a little shred of my dignity, please.'";

end if.

Instead of giving the duckweed to the duck:

if the duck is unaroused

begin;

if the moonmilk is not warned_about

begin;

say "The duck stretches her neck towards the duckweed eagerly. Yet, as her beak approaches it, her head is wrenched away as if by an invisible hand. 'Quack!' exclaims the duck indignantly. 'Quack! Quack quack quack!'";

otherwise;

say "The duck looks at you. 'I don't think that's going to work,' she says in a resigned tone. 'I'll try, but I'm pretty sure the curse will prevent me from eating of my own free will. But it looks [italic type]so[roman type] yummy!' She stretches her neck eagerly towards the duckweed, but as her beak approaches it, her head is wrenched to the side as if by an invisible hand. 'ARGH!' screams the duck in frustration. 'Can't do it.'";

end if;

otherwise;

if the duck is not warned_about

begin;

say "Having heard [the duck]'s story, you know that she cannot eat of her own volition. So you grab her head with one hand, and, forcing her beak open, cram duckweed down her gullet. She seems to plump up before your very eyes. 'Oh, joy!' she exclaims, preening herself. 'That's much better! Look at how plump and juicy my breast is now! Let's go see about getting me killed and eaten now.'";

remove the duckweed from play;

now the description of the duck is "The duck is plump and her feathers shine. Really, she's one of the most attractive fowl you've every seen.";

now the duck is warned_about;

now the duck is handled;

otherwise;

say "The duck says 'I'm full, thanks. No need to ruin my girlish figure. Too fat is almost as bad as too skinny.'";

end if;

end if.

Before asking the duck about something:

if the moonmilk is not warned_about, instead say "The duck, with great conviction and passion, replies 'Quack! Quack quack quack!'";

if the topic understood matches "anas" and the duck is horny, replace the topic understood with "duck";

if the topic understood matches "duck/herself/hera/juno/jupiter/jove/zeus/curse/duckweed/weed/woe/food"

begin;

now the duck is horny; [ Just an unused property, people. Calm down. ]

now the duck is proper-named;

now the printed name of the duck is "Anas";

end if;

continue the action.

Table of Duckly Chatter

Table of Duckly Perambulation